A chirpy discussion in orkut community among young generation hijacked my thoughts through those holy years of my matrimonial hunt. Hailing from the southern part of India
The paradigm of "hubby hunting" involves a series of procedural steps. Once the girl finishes her education, giving no consideration to her consent, her horoscope will be circulated through agencies and contacts. The crux of an arranged marriage is astrology; whether people are compatible or not, horoscopes MUST be compatible. If otherwise, the parents would not even consider speaking to the boy’s family, no matter how good he is. However the actual fun starts once the horoscope matches. THE RENDEZVOUS - Boy’s family visit the girl’s family. This will include episodes – “BOY meets the GIRL”, “An informal interview - conducted by the elders with habitual questions like – Can the girl cook traditional food? Can she sing? Will she be working after marriage? Etcetera”, “Customary dinner - served to the visitors”, “Embarrassing moments (There will be at least one in each of these meetings)” and “The Outcome”. If both the families are happy then the big day is decided, again by elders – The Engagement Day followed by Grandeur Wedding ceremony. This is pretty much how weddings happen in Eastern part of the world, till the last decade. A Girl gets to know the guy with whom she is to spend the rest of her life, only after marriage. However, things did take a turn in the last decade or so. A class of parents have become more considerate in accepting the choices of their children, after some minimal screening process though. I extend my beatific acceptance to this transformation.
Having settled in western part of the world, the cultural divergence in matrimonial significance definitely evokes chortle in me; or should i say its knocking my socks off! Here there is independence to choose your own partner; there are cute ways of proposing a girl with rock-diamond and make the Engagement Day a special memory to cherish all long life and there is less intervention from elders on how and where the wedding has to happen. Everything any young girl and guy would wish in terms of self-governing their life is available here, except the longevity in reliationship. Forthrightly being, I have travelled from one extreme conservative society to the other extreme liberated society. Independence Distorted is the appropriate way to describe the lifestyle. Here the following episodes may take place in jumbled fashion - “BOY meets GIRL”, “They DATE”, “They LIVE TOGETHER – They scream on top of the world about their relationship”, “HAVE kids”, “The PROPOSAL”, “WEDDING”, “BREAK-UP” , “BOY meets the next GIRL”. Every person in this side of the globe gravely denies the existence of monogamy.
The irony is, despite all the flaws in so-called arranged marriages, they last long. Beyond reasons, very less break-ups or divorces, and happy family livings sighted in the age-old system of matrimony when compared to the liberal ones. Is this the lack of resilience and understanding here or immense de trop tolerance levels there? Can there be a balance between the matrimony systems from both the worlds?
